Say what you will about The Great Gatsby and love or hate its position as “the true American novel”, but this trend of mislabeling Gatsby as a romance rather than a #blessed downward spiral of moral decay desperately needs to stop. Sure it’s been two popular movies. Yes two of the main characters are in love or at the very least the idea of it — but that still does not deem the book an appropriate wedding theme.
But, says the fiancée, twirling her hair while crafting her wedding Pinterest boards with rabid fervor, “then I’ll make it a Fitzgerald-themed wedding. Scott and Zelda were like, the greatest love story, like ever.”
Well, wrong again. He was a raging alcoholic and she was an uninhibited lunatic. They had a few good years before they went off their respective deep ends, but Zelda was in and out of too many mental hospitals to allow them to be together for long stretches of time. They famously wrote each other tons of love letters and were each other’s guiding lights for their entire lives, but their relationship should not be placed on a pedestal. Or used as a basis for comparison for a healthy union.
This bastardization of a wonderful and honest piece of literature by people who skipped high school English class to get high behind the gym needs to stop. At the very least spark note the book before throwing 40k on a party celebrating something that has a 50% survival rate.
My only hope is the tags and key words embedded in this post will become a catalyst to discovery – i.e. the next bride googling Gatsby-themed wedding ideas will realize what she’s doing. Or she’ll be so drunk off cheap chardonnay and fumes from spray paint DIY’ing monograms on everything, she’ll go ahead and incorporate them into the big day.
Instead of dividing the wedding party based on who knows the bride or groom, respectively label sides ‘East and West Egg’ and seat guests based on their inferred wealth or how trashy their outfit is.
Having the best man narrate the entire wedding Nick Carraway
style in lieu of a drunken speech.
Or if a speech is required, the best man has to start with, “The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
No hanging lanterns, Christmas lights or chandeliers
— just bare, eerie green bulbs.
The Mother-in-laws will receive a gift of the framed quote,
“Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope.”
All exes and past and current side pieces will be invited to the wedding
because, “Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!”
One of the drunk bridesmaids will yell across the lawn at the bride, “They’re a rotten crowd’, ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.” before puking into one of the champagne fountains.
And finally, after the happy couple passes out after the party and awakens to realize they can’t consummate the marriage, “What’ll we do with ourselves this afternoon?” cried Daisy, “and the day after that, and the next thirty years?”
But fear not, three months later the birth announcement will read,
“It takes two to make an accident.”
All quotes taken from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald